Big Brass Ones

brass ballsFriends are fond of asking me to teach a class on how to grow balls.  Which is silly, because all it takes to be honest and straight-up is to not give a damn. 

Well, okay, let me qualify. 

I love my friends and my family.  Spending time with them, wallowing in their love, brings me joy and peace and fun and provides lots of funny stories at their expense.  But, if I’m not ME, if I hold back and second guess and fret that I’ll hurt their feelings, well then. . .is it really ME they love?

So, the secret to owning the proverbial brass ones is no more than having nothing to lose.  It’s the ability to honestly let someone walk out of your life when that’s what’s best for them.  I mean, today is beautiful, but no guarantees the sun will even rise tomorrow, right? 

People change.  Unless they’re dead.  A friend who was perfect in every way when I was twelve may have absolutely nothing in common with me today.  And vice versa.  Someone I click with on every level today, may, in the past, have just walked on by.

Do I want people to leave me?  No,no,no,no!  I do not.  When it happens I grieve.  I miss them.  I often chase after them and offer my love, my time, my energy, anything but, God forbid, an apology. 

The older I get the less I  second guess myself.  I’m far from perfect. 

Here you might, if you just listen for a moment, hear the sound of all those who genuinely love me hooting with laughter,  slapping palms, nodding their heads, and stamping their large clown feet. 

I mess up.  A lot.  And so does everyone else. 

So what?

You know that old saying that white is the absence of color and black is the presence of all color.  Well, perhaps you’re not familiar with the adage, but trust me, it’s an old saw. 

Well, being honest requires the absence of all need to control others AND the presence of all acceptance of change.


Nothing to it.


About Author and Speaker Pamela Foster

Pamela Foster is a speaker and author. Her first book, Redneck Goddess, is available at local bookstores and on Amazon. Her second book, Bigfoot Blues, will be available in August 2012.
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4 Responses to Big Brass Ones

  1. I do love you for many reason, not just because you tell-’em-as-you-see-’em. You’re kind, generous, serene and WISE. Thank you for the reminder that everyone makes mistakes. That’s my hardest lesson. Yep. I do indeed make mistakes. You’re shocked, right?!

  2. truthsbyruth says:

    Yep, people think I have big ones. I don’t unless pushed to the limit. I too hate losing friends but when pushed I can say adios quicker than Speedy Gonzales, and I have. God knows I’ve made tons and tons of mistakes and I ain’t done making them yet. Hey, we’re human. Give us a break.

  3. sayantansen says:

    Yes, it is a thought provoking post. People go away and leave their mark in us. But can they really go away? The time, laughter, life, beauty, moments of despair and joy we shared when they were in our life is now us, living and breathing as our own selves…thanks so much Pamela for writing so dearly from the core of your heart..I appreciate 🙂

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