I’m a skeptic. Oh, I’ve experienced moments of unexplainable weirdness, but I always look first to the natural world for explanations. My first leap isn’t into the world of crystals, and Reiki, nor do I aim for the universe of spirits and principalities. I’m not denying the power or presence of any of these, I’m just saying that when I hear of a spontaneous healing, or an angel appearing at a deathbed, or a Bigfoot sighting, I look first for at least a sloppy scientific reason for the incident.
So, when the guys at the local VetCenter began to make references to ‘congruence’ and whisper assurances to one other to, “Breath, bro, get back in the green,” well, first I was pissed off a little. Because, you know, pissed off is my go-to reaction to anything I don’t understand. But these are such good men, not followers of fads or nonsense and, eventually, I noticed that indeed they did seem calmer, less prone to irritation and anger. Finally, against my own inclination to disregard anything new, I asked what the hell they were talking about.
“Biofeedback,” they told me, “and do you want to try it?”
“Probably not,” I said, “but tell me what it is anyway.”
The way they explained it sounded like meditation. With a couple of twists. The first difference is that I’d be hooked up to a machine that monitored my heart and breathing rate and gave me immediate feedback when I lowered either of those biological functions. The second difference would be that while meditating I work to clear my mind of all thoughts and strive to, ‘Be still and know that I am God,” while with Biofeedback I’d deliberately call up good memories.
Tiny differences. Still, I was suspicious. After all, meditation requires years of discipline and practice. Biofeedback seemed like cheating. And while I accept and believe in moments of salvation, I’m less a washed-in-the-blood believer and more a “Work out your own salvation in fear and trembling,” kind of gal. I’m not negating the power of the blood, just saying, after that divine happening, life just keeps on coming and we’d better be able to access that power on our own or we’re screwed. Spiritually speaking.
Now. Those of you who follow my Wounded Warrior Wife blog know that living with and loving a combat veteran can be rewarding and challenging, a thing of beauty and a mess of pain. Often all in the same moment. So, I seek out ways to help me cope, methods of replenishing my own meager store of sanity. Eventually, after a stressful six month of sleeping about two hours a night, I decided, what the hell, nothing to lose and this biofeedback voodoo might actually help.
How’s that for a ringing endorsement?
Next post, I’ll share with you my experience at my first appointment. I’m a little nervous that the whole thing may be some elaborate mind-control plot, so if I sound normal next week, please warn me in the comment section.
We all know I’ve never been normal.