Very Interesting


The photo is of Jack in happier, though no less interesting, times.

This morning was interesting.

The dog ate Jack’s hearing aides. Not the batteries, thank God, but the little, grooved flesh-colored pieces of plastic and technology are now in many, many bits. Evidently Jack set them on his nightstand, knocked them off somehow in the night, and Nickie discovered his expensive new toys first thing this morning.

Breakfast – diced bacon and scrambled eggs fed to Jack with a long-handled Sunday spoon because he has decided the size of that utensil is easier for him to eat from – ended in two bites after a coughing fit.

Worried about the damage to my back done by pushing his wheelchair, Jack attempted to feet-push himself from the living room to the bathroom. The chair got stuck in the door leading into the hall. I was trapped in his bedroom and couldn’t get to the back of the chair without crawling over Jack and, of course, a large, exceedingly helpful dog. It took a while, but Jack got himself unstuck enough for me to squeeze behind him so I could maneuver the chair. The only damage a few more chunks of wood and paint missing from the door jam.

The usual pills were spilled, falls were narrowly avoided while getting him dressed, and he was still bitching about missing the cannabis festival on Saturday.

Ten minutes ago the day care shuttle picked him up in their fancy shuttle with the wheelchair lift. What I’d really like to do right now is go back to bed. But, here I sit, fingers flying, doing my best to make sense of my world.

Last night I dreamed I was sitting on a bench beside a man. I do not know who this man was. Someone with whom I felt safe, familiar. Light dappled the ground, though I did not see trees. In the dream there was no sexual tension, only an understanding between myself and this man that we shared this one precious moment.

I woke to a grief so strong it stole my breath, blocked my throat, and released my tears.

About Author and Speaker Pamela Foster

Pamela Foster is a speaker and author. Her first book, Redneck Goddess, is available at local bookstores and on Amazon. Her second book, Bigfoot Blues, will be available in August 2012.
This entry was posted in aging, caregiver, health, humor, marijuana, Pamela Foster, Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink.

4 Responses to Very Interesting

  1. Good morning, Pamela,
    You’ve been on a tear these last few days. (the one pronounced “tare”, although there have certainly been “tear”s too)
    tear. “3. be in a state of uncertainty between two conflicting options or parties”
    We hear you. It’s a bitch.
    We hardly know what to say, but we want to say Something.
    So hear I am, speaking editorially (“we”) for your readers, even though they haven’t invited me.
    I do, however, have a husband with Vietnam PTSD, Agent Orange Parkinson’s. Army Infantry. He’s no where near Jack’s stage, but man, I get tired of the answer to each simple request being “No.”
    “Cant, won’t, don’t.”
    That’s the refrain that I hear in my head when he says “no” to every single thing.
    No, I don’t want to go for a walk (the #1 therapy for PD). No, I don’t want to eat vegetables. No to everything except poker games and Ding Dongs and beer. LOL (“LOL”!! Don’t I wish there were more LOL’s?)
    I lived in NWArkansas when you did and attended one of your classes at The Village Writing School. Around the time you moved to CA, I moved to an island off Washington.
    Hang in there! We’re listening and thinking of you and Jack and all the others in similar circumstances every day that you sit down and connect with us.
    I began seeing a therapist 2 months ago. I hope that you’re doing the same.
    Sending much Love. Have a better day today.

  2. Beverly says:

    Oh Pam. You are doing a fantastic job of caregiving and writing about it. Very few could convey such in words the way you do. It helps, I know, but I also know it doesn’t help enough. Saying prayers for you and Jack.

  3. Maryanne & Sammy says:

    A little humor from reading about you and Nickie getting through the doorway!

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